Hello my beautiful friend …
Today I am writing to you from that place where it feels as if the veil has lifted a little. You know what veil I mean? That one that is usually there, protecting us from the deep grief that is possible as humans. That veil that allows us to go to the grocery store and wonder whether we should get peaches or plums, oat milk or soy milk, and should we splurge on the sunflowers?
We all know that ordinariness of life. We spend most of our time there, if we are lucky.
And we all know how it feels when we peek behind the veil and we suddenly feel our humanness deep in our bones. We feel the fragility of life. We remember what it is to be heartsick or deeply scared. We know what it means to love so much that it can hurt.
Do you have a sense of what I mean? Can you think of examples from your own life, past or present?
I hope you are doing well as you are reading this. I hope you are in that “ordinary” place. However, I know that someone or many someones reading this might be feeling fear, loss, or grief.
I’m here for all of you.
How do we take care of ourselves when we are going through a heart crisis, nightmare fear, or unimaginable grief?
How do we carry this when it is someone we love?
Today, my LoveGram is about finding small spaces that soothe us, no matter where we are in the spectrum of pain. Whether we’ve had a difficult conversation, a hard day, or we’re mourning the unbearable loss of someone we love, it’s crucial to know how to find moments of peace.
Last week, I shared about a specific kind of loss I was experiencing. Since then, a dear friend with the kindest heart and brightest laughter has suffered a heart-wrenching tragedy. As someone who loves her deeply, I’m thinking nonstop about how to stay close by her side in spirit and how to support her.
In this audio, just by talking to you, I discovered a way I could connect without words. I share this with you and hope we all remember that sometimes words are not quite right for the moment, but we can share our hearts and love with soothing music, sounds of nature, or ancient mantras.
Just scroll down on that page until you see the audio player. Press play. Voila!
Also, I want to repeat (for me as much as for you) what I said last week about a podcast I’d heard by Brené Brown in which she was talking about “comparative suffering.” While we don’t want to be inconsiderate or thoughtless around others who are grieving, we need to allow ourselves to feel our own pain and not cut it off because someone else is going through something way bigger, harder, or worse. By allowing ourselves to have our feelings, we are strengthening our empathy muscles and it allows us to open our hearts even wider to others.
If someone you love is experiencing big grief, you can still be sad about the losses in your own life. You’ll just want to process those alone or with other friends.
Yes, be mindful … but do give yourself permission to feel. It is the way through to the other side.
We humans were built to feel.
I know this is true.
Just as it is also true that when we open our hearts to what others are going through, it can put things into perspective for us. Not in a scolding or punishing way, but in a soft, gentle, reminding way.
It’s all there. We can hold it all. We’re strong enough.
We’re even stronger together.
After you listen to today’s LoveGram, consider what sounds are soothing to you. And if you have a loved one who is in pain, please create an audio for them with your loving voice and include some soothing sounds.
Can you do this?
I’ve been creating these Sunday LoveGrams since March of 2020. Having you here with me throughout this pandemic has been so important.
Being together in our experiences is truly a gift. It is one of the ways we support ourselves in navigating change.
Seek celebration — even in dark corners,
P.S. Here’s the online web page where you can record an audio for someone you care about.
P.P.S. Here is a link to the beautiful song I played by David Ma. You can listen and/or purchase it here on Bandcamp. (This would be so wonderful to include in any audio message you create for someone you love.)
P.P.P.S. Here is a link to the beautiful Radhika Vekaria, who sings in Sanskrit. (This would be lovely to include in your audio note to someone you love, as well.)