This morning I received an email from a girlfriend who had caught wind of the Tour de Word my writer friend Maya Stein is planning. Maya is going on the road — taking a cross-country trip to meet her Ten Line Tuesdayreaders and write/collect ten-line poems for an upcoming anthology. Pretty cool project, right?
My friend who emailed me today said, “What an absolutely amazing thing Maya will be doing. I must admit that I was jealous and I RARELY as in almost NEVER feel that particular emotion. I might want to be able to have a similar experience but truly don’t begrudge the person having what I want. So, when I looked at it more closely I had to ask myself why the jealousy. I believe it was to cover up the feeling underneath which was that I don’t live up to my potential. I am unfocused. Undisciplined. Drifting. Less then I should be. Excuse maker. Yikes!”
My friend went on to say that she realized she needed to look at the process from a place of less judgment and see what might be there for her. Hallelujah!
I am someone who frequently experiences stabs of envy. And for me, I often go to the same place my friend did, which is, “Wow… what does this person have that I am coveting?” From there, if I don’t try to make myself feel bad about the envy, there is space to explore the question of, “Well, if I want something like that, what am I doing to create it?” Maybe the initial feeling of envy and internal name calling feel icky, but when I can step back and look at the whole process, it can be a great stepping stone for myself.
Being green with envy doesn’t need to make me feel sick to my stomach about myself. Rather, from now on, I’m going to think of it as a “green light” to bring whatever I’m envious of into my life!
How ’bout you? Any thoughts to share on the role envy plays in your life?
P.S. Maya’s project is totally fabulous and if you want to support her, click on the link above (or here!) to check out her project on Kickstarter.