This moment; the truth. Lost and found.01-20-2012
Ever hear of backlash? It's that conk on the head when we're not looking. It usually comes shortly after a moment of feeling really good and expansive — when like life is opening up.
Yesterday I wrote a post about not being a naturally happy person. About how I don't bemoan that but instead celebrate the fact that I've been given all these tools to create joy. I meant that when I said it.
But today, whoah. It's another story! Give me that happy gene. Please.
I think it is backlash. It's like some evil being rubbed his bony hands together in glee after reading my post. "She thinks she can create joy, eh? Let's see about that! Mwahahaha."
Because today I woke up into this free-floating anxiety and distress like you wouldn't believe. While I was meditating shortly after I awoke, monkey mind was doing its darndest to keep me from focusing on my breath. It was telling me how I need to worry about money. It was telling me how I'm not good enough. It was telling me that I will never accomplish the things I want. It was telling me that my hair is a mess and I'm gaining weight and how I haven't been to yoga class and how I don't eat healthy enough. It was pointing out new wrinkles on my face and in my life. You name it; monkey mind was trying using it to taunt and torment me.
Here's the most evil of its tricks: it wants me to believe that I can't let anyone know about these fears/anxiety. It wants me to believe that I need to present "Cardboard Sherry" as the spokesperson for Simply Celebrate. That she's got to have it all together— with sassy hair and super confidence, with pretty painted nails and a painted on happy face.
I may wish I were that happy gene person. But I'm not. "I yam what I yam," as I said to my son last night in a horrible Popeye impression.
And what I yam in this moment now is someone who is getting a ton of backlash in the form of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. Well okay. There you go. Now what? I could let it take over my whole day. Or, I could simply turn my attention to what I want in my life. To how I want to live.
This is the real beauty of Simply Celebrate. It's why it is so powerful in my life. Because it isn't about changing anything. It is about choosing to focus on what makes me feel most alive and loving. That's it. It really is that simple. (But not easy!)
So I'm someone who wakes up with anxiety and fear. So what? It doesn't have to keep me from listening to the sound of the rain on the pavement outside. It doesn't have to keep me from savoring the smell of fresh coffee brewing. It doesn't have to keep me from writing a thank you note to the CEO of Success Magazine for inspiring me. It doesn't have to keep me from gently squeezing my tabby cat and delighting in her purr.
Monkey mind's got nothing on the beauty of real life.
P.S. Whoops. Thought I posted this earlier today, in the morn. But I didn't. Oh, well. Here goes … now!
Illustration © Can Stock Photo Inc. / prawny